Sunny days is an illusion

A sunny day like this could not cheer up the falling pieces and memories you bounded yourself through time.

A sunny day like this could not help you get better when you’re still drowning in the thoughts of all the sorrow.

A sunny day like this could not mask the feelings of fear and falling apart.

Do not indulge in the illusion of a sunny day, because sunny days are seen before the heavy rain drops, and sooner you’ll feel the blues rushing towards the insides of you.

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Canvas of Storm

The power was out, and everything was cold. The sky was crying so loudly that it hurt everyones ears, but not mine.

I love it. I love the sound of cracking light, the bluish-dark scenery filled with trees waiting to be thrown off. I love the drawings, of how it made the sky a big piece of canvas waiting to be painted on.

And I would watch, for hours, because the sky never stopped crying until night time. 

That’s how my life really works, filled with things that destroys you, but you love it anyway, because you see beauty in broken things.

The Before and After

It was such an obligation to stay happy.

That night was calm.
And I was calm.
And I thought that I am somehow accepting,
breaking down the walls that I built for myself.
I let you in, too deep.
You saw me, but you never really know me.
I tried to introduce myself,
gave you chances to see through me.
I was disappointed, for you only want to see
what you wanted, but not me.
I gave you everything, but why does it feel
like I’m still unhappy…
Why does it feel, like something is definitely wrong
Not you, but me.
It is I, the one to blame for all this mishaps.
And I thought I was curing myself in the process
but I only got worse.
Manageable, but worse.
And I’m so good at hiding,
that you do not realize that
I
was dying
inside.
Everyday
is a torture
for my soul
that’s begging
for
mercy.

Epitome.

It was that look in your face that made me realize what I really want
I thought I was a happy human being, making advances and beating my own monsters
but it turned dark, once more
that I filled my life with colors
But I am still a black and white
and as the water falls down my eyes,
as you hold meĀ and hugged me,
I never felt so alone than what I felt before
and I was a flower that wilted through the years
and I was a bone that cracked for tears.