Eleven-Eleven in my 11:12PM

So here it goes.

This is the part when I would tell myself to keep my head up, stand tall and walk with grace. But that is not my reality.

My reality is that I despise myself. I have hated myself for things that I am not, what they brand me and it gets to me.  Sometimes I want to forget just who I am, and live for a little while.

Honey, my mind is in chaos. I can’t focus with my studies right now, I breakdown every night, I think of things when I’m alone and I divert my attention to several people.
I was happy before, or maybe happy our first year. But things have changed, you have changed. I see the efforts, yes, but how well do you use it in your actions? I’m not the typical give her flowers, chocolates and stuffed bears kind-of-girl. I want written love letters, museum dates, coffee breaks, a silly peek-a-boo from my back, a random day for giving out a single flower, and many other things. Is that so hard to do?

We used to have late night calls, what happened? Sometimes I would wait even though I know it wont happen. Just to be sure, maybe a little surprise call is what I’m expecting.


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